as i had nottin better to tink abt in my office...i start reminscing my past...

i used to b a complex person...i rem when i was 13, i was a rebel back den, eager to get outta my hse...cos i'm alwiz left alone since both parent gotta work, bro's in afternoon shift and all i haf r four walls n my maid...i would rummage every single corner which i call home...so, i wrung open the door n home onli at the wee hrs...

had numerous bfs when i was young...as much as i wanna someone stable, i'm fickled cos my eyes will lift upon seeing someone better...profound rite??? yea....i dun do wat i preach...sec 3 was actualli my worst yr...picked up fight...landg myself in hosp...life sucks there cos food was blend...but at least i noe my mum care...had a v nice guy back den...i noe i was foolish, i noe i was sceptica abt pple n i noe i m a sinner...he's alwiz sweet, from mumbling sweet-nothings to showering me w care n concern...i rem when we did not noe each other too well...probably less den 5or 6 days o knowing each other, he actualli lend me 100 bucks, no intention to get it back...i sound like a money face...but back den...i was touched cos i was under probation n all i was gettin per wk was shedded from a steep 600 to a mere 20...goodness...was caged in hell immediately...imagine how i pass my days for 6 mths...he relived me...thou tt time when i knew him was almost end o the torments...

i rem the white porcelain dove he gave me...he had a similar one too...hanging on our lamps...those were the sweet times, tokkin over the fone for over 3 hrs everyday...everyday!!! but sometime was hindered by my mum...sad...but he understands...i would b so lethargic by the time i wait for my mum to turn in b4 i can sneak tokkin over the fone...but my sweetpie din mind...he was by the fone for 3 hrs even after i dozed off while tokking to him...he sang lullaby and all...was pleasantly shocked when i noticed he's still over the other end o the fone when i woke up at 6 in the morn...such a silly fellow....i like!

he wld call me every 3 hrs to tell me his whereabts...in case i worry cos i told him i got no sense o security...he felt pleased for me when i had a crush on someone but not him..he din ask for anything more....he was outraged n aghasted...when tt guy fooled me, making him sounds like he's the one being cheated...

he's a guy to die for cos he's romantic, he rems every single details which bogs down to the 1st day we noe each other, statements tt i've said b4... ... he love me for who i m...he quited smoking too juZ for me...n he said his cousin tried to tempt him but he din...he said he wish tt his bride was me when he attending his fren's wedding...n he said he wanna decline his trip to new zealand which's offered by his aunt cos my bday happens to fall on tt day...he's realli a swt darling...

of cos fairytales dun last at all...yes...i screwed up all...i told an annoynomous tt i dun like my current bf...not knowing tt he;s the annoynomous...i dun him for not trusting me cos i'm not one tt can b trusted...i noe it's time to let him go...i cried all day n night for an entire mth...cry my heart out not cos he's stepping outta my life 4ever, but i've hurt him so...i regretted the outcome...up til tis date...

my life changed, n i've turned into a double faced person...i'll b so hyper when i'm having company...but claustrophobic deep in the nite...i will eek out tears unknowingly n eventualli dried...wot's wrong w me.. no matter wat i do...i still cant make him mine...

i've a liking for one o my fren...but i dun wanna tk the initiative cos i m afraid of hurting another soul...i dunno how he feels for me but everyone think tt we're a couple...be it language, actions and all...we share the same intellect n all...he's swt, nice n everything tt gals wld most likely sought for...he will pop out out o the blue asking me if i was feeling good...he nv bother to ask me for cash even if he purchased things for me...he do not mind giving up lects n to teach the stupid me things tt i m unaware o...he do not mind being hit by me even if it's not his wrongs...yes...i m appearing in the bad light...

i've turned into a monotone...i dislike clubs tt once entice me...i dislike shopping cos i haf been doin so for the past decades...i do not like tokkin over the fone, i no longer love playg pool cos it's too loud a place for me...all i wan is an easy life w ordinary days of mahjong, family n frens...i've succumbbed to the real world, the harsh reality...i will turn petrified when exam result release r round the corner...i fear everything...i fear tt the world is eating me...n i fear i will lose myself...self esteem n confidence...i used to b someone who's popular w frens...mobile fone batt can onli last me less den 12hrs...it will keep ringing...yes i was a hot property...unlike now...everything turns to a hallucination...a facade... probably tt's how i enclosed myself...i do not like to step outta hse...i do not possess any zest for anything...i juZ wan to stay at home n relax while i can...

i'm stuck in a conundrum every now n den...i've been moulded into someone who's no longer resolute like b4...i lack the cells to process things...i procrastinate as long as time's not up...i hate my current self...